Climb that Mountain
by Emmavics
Summary: About Tariq over coming his disability and his struggles.
1. Chapter 1

**I am sorry that this is such a short chapter but I am starting off to see where it could go. It probably is not very good as I have not done any writing at all since school which was 6 weeks ago. Please review and tell me what you think! **

"Climbing that Mountain- A guide to overcoming personal adversity" Well this is where that got me, lying on this hard floor. I know I won't have to wait long till Josh comes. He just won't leave me alone! He was the one that got me thinking I could climb this stupid rope. Why would I want to climb the rope anyway? What's the point in anything?

"Tariq?" Josh shouted down the empty hall. I could hear his footsteps getting closer. "Are you alright?" I didn't feel like answering- this was his fault. "I will get my Dad to help. Be right back!" I heard his quick footsteps getting further away. I was alone again. The ceiling looks very clean- unlike the ones back in Rochdale. I can't find one little bit of dirt. I wonder how Trudi and Naseem are doing. They visited me in hospital but left just before school started.

"Tariq" Mr. Clarkson said. It is harder to tell how fast people are moving with two sets of footsteps. Mr. Clarkson picked me up with one hand on my back and the other under my knees. I used to carry Naseem like that up to her bed when she fell asleep on the sofa. I felt me back push against my chair.

"What were you doing? You need to be more careful." Mr. Clarkson knelt down so he was my height. I hated it when people did that; it made me feel like a little kid. I felt a tear trickle slowly down my face.

"Are you alright? Tonight you can hang out, watch a movie or something?" Josh asked. I had to look away, hoping they would not be able to see my tears.

"I think it would be good for you to get out." Mr. Clarkson said while he put a hand on my lap. I slapped Tom as hard as I could. I don't know what came over me but it felt good. I saw him lying in front of me, blood coming out his nose. I felt as if I got some power back into me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dad?" Josh knelt down next to his Dad. For a moment I thought I had down something terrible but when he sat up I knew he was fine. Josh pulled him up to his feet then they both turned round to look at me.

"Tariq, we need to have a word with Mr. Byrne." I had one last glance at the blood on his face, until he grabbed my chair and turned me round. I don't like people pushing me but I thought I had done enough for one day. It was a sort of awkward silence as we walked to the head masters office but I have giving up caring about other people. Mr. Clarkson softly knocked on the door before he opened it.

"Tom?" Mr. Byrne stood up being alarmed by us.

"We need to have a talk about Tariq. Josh wait outside." He demanded. He held himself as if he was in the army, you know, head up and straight back. Mr. Byrne signaled us where to sit.

"This one punched me in the face for no reason." Tom voice said calm.

"Do you have an explanation?" Michael asked me.

"Just felt like it." I shrugged. I learnt that this really annoys adults.

"I know there was a reason. Just tell me and we can sort it out." He is smarter than most adults and understands us more but I was not going to give in. I had no idea what to say so ended up just looking away. I know this was stupid but I have never been good at quick thinking.

"Come on, we want to help you." Mr. Byrne's accent showed through a lot in this sentence. I felt the anger rising inside me. Every time I was about to speak the anger stopped me. I knew I needed to burst through this wall the anger was building.

"You don't care! You just pretend to but you are like everyone else! You just feel sorry but at the end of the day you go back to your posh homes!" It came out louder than I thought it would. Josh would have been able to hear it; well the hole of Greenock properly heard it. For a second I thought I could walk and was about to stand up and walk out. I sometimes forget all about who I am and think I am normal till I realize I'm not and the world comes crashing down.

"Tariq, I think you need help. Lots of people are here to help you. You are not alone." Mr. Byrne leaned forward. I really wished people would stop helping me!

"I don't need help. I am not going to be alive for much longer." I couldn't help but give a little cheeky smile as I gave them an insight of my plan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for not updated for a while- had so much homework it is unbelievable! Well I am going to start this story AFTER the last episode (when he tries to kill himself in the kayak). He has had the talk with Mr. Bryne and all that and it is two/three days later and he is at a conculling session.**

"Good Morning, Tariq, how are you doing?" Maggie asked.

I hated this question. How should I am doing?

"You have a meeting with Dr. Miller in half an hour, so you should get up and go into the bathroom now." Her voice was too friendly.

My hands did not stop to shake. I hated these meetings, hours and hours were I sat in this small room and had to speak about my feelings. I wished I had no feelings.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself into my chair. I wanted much more to stay in the bed. Yeah, today was just another great day.

Every morning I tried to look as less often as necessary into the mirror. I hated to see myself.

I tried to watch the sink instead of the mirror.

"How are you feeling today, Jake?" This Dr. Miller – Guy, I do not like him.

I watched my still feet instead of him.

I shrugged. "The same."

"You never told me something, so I can not know how to define "the same"", he said.

You know what I think? I think he feels rubbish today. He looks rubbish today.

"You look rubbish today", I told him.

He did not grin.

"You, too."

I felt rubbish today, I am feeling rubbish everyday. My fingers were interesting, I kneaded them.

You know what´s the worst thing was? That I was stuck in this chair. It made me crazy.

I laughed. You´re already crazy, Jake, I thought, that´s why you´re here, in a counculling session.

"What is so funny?"

I grinned. "I am crazy", I told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that?" My laugh froze. That they always had to asked such stupid questions.

"I am in a conculling session, aren´t I ?"

"And why you´re here?"

I watched the window, you know, outside it was September or something like that.

"I wanted to kill myself, but I was too stupid to do it right. That´s enough for being stuck here, I think."

"And why did you want to kill yourself?"

"No pictures to draw today?" I asked.

"Do not change the subject, Tariq"

Silence. I did not think for an answer.

After a while, it had been enough silence for him.

"Why did you want to kill yourself?"

"Don´t you already know?"

"Answer my question."

This bird frightened us both, it just flew against the window. Bang. Dr. Miller´s head turned around, but none of us said a word.

I think this bird has been black, always black birds outside there, or white one. Or some that are both, black and white.

This bird, he collided with this window like I did with the van.

"Tariq?"

But the van had been silver, you know? You could not see through it like through the window.

"Tariq."

"What?"

"Why did you want to kill yourself?"

That it was. The question of all question, wasn´t it?

"I should be dead." I did not mean to say it load. That wasn´t supposed to happen, but what happened was, that I almost screamed it out.

"Why do you think that?"

He really should stop asking, or I would hit him. So I did not answer. Should he grow old and grey on his armchair there, I would not answer any more questions.

"I was supposed to be. God wants me to, he is giving me pay back."

All the time, I shut my mouth and then this bird flies against the window and I tell him that?

"So you want to kill yourself because you think it is wrong that you´re alive?"

Hell no, I wasn´t that noble. I just wanted to be free of this pain. And it was all this bad, that, who wants to live like that?

"God, yes."

He wrote a notice.

"You think it is bad, that you are alive?"

"Yeah." True.

"Don´t you think, it could be much worse?"

I snorted. "Would you say the hell could burn down?"

Dr. Miller wrote something down once more.


End file.
